Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
