Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
