So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize