I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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