Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
