Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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