I think I am morally bankrupt
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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