I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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