Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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