I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
