I smell stomach acid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
