i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
