you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
