I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
