1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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