Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
