We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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