Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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