Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
