every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize