I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
