I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
