Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
