Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
