Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
