I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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