Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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