I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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