Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
