And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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