why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
