If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
