New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
