My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize