I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
