Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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