i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
