I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
