If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
pray to the hookup gods
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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