My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
