I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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