My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
