I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
