I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
