i think i have herpe
just one?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize