I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
