allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
