I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
