go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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