East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
