i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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