Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
