He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
