The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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