so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
