I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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