I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just pee around me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
