theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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