I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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