Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
