Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
