I wanna passion pit in your ass
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
