dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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