Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
