angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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