ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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