today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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