My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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