I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize