btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
