So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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