one might say we're banned from that church
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
