Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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