Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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