You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
