Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
