my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fuck appropriateness.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
