I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
