You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
