dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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