I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
