he wants to bone in the snuggie
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
