he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
