So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
