Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
