I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
