So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
