it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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