Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
