So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
