I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
