I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
