I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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