did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
