He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can you bring me the toilet please
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
