i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
