Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
