two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
