You made me cry and you don't even care
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Farmville is her only friend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
