I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize