You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
