We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
