I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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