I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
