before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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