Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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